Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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