Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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