Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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