I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
