I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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