at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize