Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
