I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize