remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize