yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
