I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
