They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
