my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
