no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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