I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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