i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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