I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
