Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have post one night stand depression
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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