I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
