All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
