I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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