The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize