I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
