this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
