Will you blow on my dice?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
