Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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