People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
