Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
