i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
