and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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