I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
