Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
