Whod you bang
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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