This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
