so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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