Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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