so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We named our party play list daddy issues
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
