He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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