just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
