i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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