You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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