He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
