..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
