I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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