You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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