we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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