those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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