I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
