can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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