Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize