oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
