He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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