Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
