I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
