There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
