a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
