We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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