Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
