I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize