I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize