sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
