Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
