well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
