Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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