Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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