Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
