Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
