i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
